Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Confessions of a lonely army wife...

My husband is gone right now at mobilization station. For those who do not know what I am talking about, mobilization station is where soldiers get ready to get deployed. Even though he is not getting deployed overseas there is a chance he will get picked up if someone gets hurt so he has to go through it for six weeks and then come back home.

I would just like to take this time to really express how I feel. Being an Army spouse is the hardest job in the military. Sure the soldiers are the ones that have to endure the fighting and dangerous stuff. But really, its the spouses who have it rough. I have to continue with day to day life without my husband here to help me. I get double diaper duty, cleaning (which is not only making sure my list is done but I also have to make sure his gets done too), I have to play mother and father, I don't get a chance to be the good guy I have to be the one always saying no. Even with the taking care of kids and keeping up the house and all there is another factor no one else sees.

I miss my husband so much when he leaves, that it physically hurts. There are times that I lock myself in my room for a few minutes and just bawl. I do this so that my kids do not see that mommy is crying. I do not want to upset them more than what they already must be feeling. I have to be the strong one right? Daytime is not so bad I have the kids to keep me busy and luckily I have a very understanding sister who lets me call her a million times and day just because I am bored. After the kids go to be it is a different story, the time between bedtime for kids and bedtime for me seems to drag on. That is usually myself and my hubby's alone time, since having three boys takes most of our attention. So instead of watching TV together, I watch TV alone. Which isn't all THAT bad since I get to watch whatever I want! Then bedtime for me comes along.
At night, I grab his pillow and hug it tightly because the smell of him is still on it.

I sleep in his tshirts... believe me I do ANYTHING to make it seem like he is there at night.

I wake up in the middle of the night and realize he is not sleeping next to me. Every bump and noise I hear in the house scares me. I now do not have my tough Army man to go check out sounds.

I do not mean to sound like a wuss but really I need to vent a little bit. I did get some things done that have been on my to do list for what seems like eternity.

I went through my kids' toy boxes and threw away broken, toys that are not used anymore.

I thoroughly cleaned my bathroom. (HUGE accomplishment since I HATE cleaning bathrooms)

I cleaned off my mess of a kitchen counter.

I finally got started on a 'Sugar n Spice' baby shower present I have had in the works.

I have also been doing a little crafting too. I made some 'BOO' letters for my mantle and also cut out like 50 bats to put in my window for decoration. I will take pictures of the 'BOO' letters tomorrow since the light is not the best in here. Thanks for letting me vent a little.

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